Ei tämän mikään oivaltavuuden riemuvälähdys tarvitse olla, mutta harvinaisen panostettu kuitenkin.

Donald J. Trump's first day in Oval Office, first briefing by CIA, Pentagon, DIA, FBI, Border Patrol:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately.

CIA: We cannot do that. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. We need them or else we will lose funding from the natural gas lobby.


Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.

CIA: We can't do that. It is Modi in India and not Manmohan.

Trump: So what?

CIA: Modi will cut Balochistan out of Pak.

Trump: I don't care.

CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.


Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.

CIA: We can't do that.

Trump: Why?

CIA: We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.


Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.

Pentagon: We can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there as otherwise their people will get that oil and we cannot let their people own it.

Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.

Pentagon: We cannot do that either.

Trump: Why not?

CIA: We are talking to them.

Trump: What? Why?

CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.

Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.

CIA: Our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.

Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?

CIA: We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.


Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.

FBI: We can't do that.

Trump: Why not?

FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.

Trump: I am deporting all illegal migrants to south of the border.

Border patrol: You can't do that.

Trump: Why not?

Border patrol: If they are gone, who will build the wall?

Trump: Build the wall first, you idiots!

Border patrol: Then they will be on this side of the wall, sir!


Trump: I am banning H1Bs. ([toim. huom.] The H-1B is a non-immigrant visa in the United States under the Immigration and Nationality Act, section 101(a)(15)(H). It allows U.S. employers to temporarily employ foreign workers in specialty occupations)

USCIS: You cannot do that.

Chief of staff: Then we will have to outsource the White House to Bangalore, India.

Trump: Why the hell did I get elected?

CIA: To enjoy the White House, sir! We create the bad guys, you sign off. And then when we sign off you announce that you have destroyed them!

Trump: God bless America! Pussy grab.